My emotions may or may not have been hyped up. I may or may not have gone out less than 24 hours beforehand to get a potentially trashy hoop put in my nose to cope with the stress. Speaking of stress, you guys, I have freaking shingles. What in the WORLD?! It's like the bubonic plague or something that should only happen to adults over 50. Thumbs up for early detection. Have no fear, I have not contaminated you nor will I - this is not Ebola - you will not contract my freakish shingles.
But moving on from nose rings and skin issues.
After a huge outfit malfunction and the star of the show not taking a legit morning nap I was on the verge of losing hope in this morning running smoothly. I could almost physically feel myself teetering on a line of being calm and being chaotic. I pressed on, my family liked the breakfast casserole that took my anxiety all night (why for the love do I always make things I've never made before when people are over??), and we got out the door on time. Felt a little sick to my stomach, pepped talk Jeremiah into holding his emotions together on stage.
The service started and I am telling you there is no way to make this stuff up - they read aloud the verse Knox's middle name is derived from. The verse that I wrote a whole post about over the summer. Isaiah 61:1-3. Our church doesn't consistently read scripture. In fact, my parents have visited several times and this is the first time they've heard scripture read. But today not only did they read it, it was the freaking verses that my baby child who is being baptized moments later was named from. They had no idea, this was not at all a planned thing. Unreal. That's when the emotion hit me, hit several of us. A few tears, but mostly shock.
Worship started and what song did we sing? How about song that I haven't heard in church for months. How about that song that got me through those darkest days after the marriage news bomb hit my life. It's called Not For A Moment. I could have barfed right there. I'm telling you this song was my jam. Not in those moments during the lies and secrets, not during those moments of healing and questions and ugliness, not during these moments today when things seem a little bit lighter - not during any of these has God forsaken me. I am not forgotten. Ever. Whether I like it or not, it's really the truth.
Just like the other night, this morning was one of those times where I'm telling you if I had any doubt God was as near as the air I breathe or had any doubt that He knows and cares for me fully - it vanished. These coincidences are not coincidences. This is God being so kind to me to show me in a real way more about His love for me and my people.
So we got up on stage and instead of mourning, there was joy. In fact, my child was the the happiest I may have ever seen him. This is a happy time, a time to seriously rejoice. Knox is a symbol of redemption in our marriage and in our life and God was fully there with us through it all.
And then our pastor prayed against him chasing after girls in his teen years. The best.
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