so many feelings

We've got a big month ahead of us. This is my last month here with the kids before we move up north and because of our fast approaching bon voyage, the calendar is booked. All good things, but all sentimental, feelings-y things. Although, I guess maybe all the things are emotional due to the fact that we're moving.

The first big thing in March's lineup is Knox's baptism. Surrey was baptized when she was seven months so we figured we'd consider it for Knox once he was around the same age, which crept up ultra fast (meaning, we just acknowledged it a few weeks ago). Thing is, we thought of it right around the time we decided we were shipping out - so what should we do? Is it ultra pointless to have a baby baptized at a church we'd be leaving a month later? Are we rushing it if we squeeze it in before we go amidst the moving chaos? Should we just wait a few months or years until we find another church and get involved there?

But I kept coming back to it. These are our people. These are the people who know this baby boy (who doesn't nap). This is the pastor and the congregation who have walked through some deep life stuff with us. This is the community of people who have cheered us on and lifted us up. 

While of course this is so much about our hope and expectation for Knox and his relationship with Jesus, this is also so much a story of redemption in our family. Us standing up there together with this new baby is significant. Who would have thought that after all that happened we'd stand up there before God with a second child together. I'll tell you, during those dark days I wasn't sure we'd see this day. So many days I grieved what I thought could be the loss of a growing family, a sibling (or siblings) for Surrey. Would our marriage make it? If it did, do we dare have more kids? Lots of questions, lots of uncertainty. (More about that from this post).

But here we are. Here this kid is. And while the credit goes to God Almighty in heaven, I 100% believe that God used these people of this church - the freaking BODY - to bring us into a story of redemption and restoration. A pastor who counseled us and was a sounding board for the deepest, rawest things. A staff who cared for us and loved us in spite of our scarlet letter. A community of friends who bolstered us and sustained us in every sense of the word. This is the place and these are the people that we want as witnesses of this baptism - the symbolism of the work God continues to do in our family. 

That being said, I'll probably be bawling like a crazy person this weekend up there in front of Jesus and these people while Knox is baptized. Since we decided I'd be moving with the kids early, I've cried if anyone even looks at me funny. So this could be brutal. The recommitment of marriage vows, the raising of hands in congregational support, the praying over this boy. Sob fest. My defense mechanism may typically be laughter and sarcasm, but the real me is an unstable sap and with only a month left in this place we call home there's no way I keep it together. But then again, maybe Knox will stay true to himself and barf all over the pastor, in which case I will immediately run off stage in a state of complete humiliation.

Avoid the 11:30 service if you want to avoid the crazy.