coincidence?

Freaking Jesus is more like it.

I had to grab my computer (MacBook circa 2007 for anyone who may be wondering) immediately to share this with you. Right before I grabbed my dinosaur computer I was crying and thanking God and praying out loud. Because right before that I opened an invite to a going away party dear dear friends are throwing us that had a thoughtful, generous surprise on it. And right before that I just finished up the section on God's illogical love and living life in that love in Judah Smith's new book Life Is ___. IT ALL CAME TOGETHER IN A MATTER OF MOMENTS. By that I mean, God taught me and then showed me what it all meant right away because He loves me (all of us) that much.

Seriously guys we cannot make this kind of stuff up in life. 

I've been trying to self-talk myself out of focusing on the negative or shameful aspects of our move north with an excruciatingly low success rate. I have a very good feeling it's probably because I'm so focused on myself. So focused on how hard things continue to be or how my expectations for life at nearly 30 aren't nearly true.

But just now I was thanking God so hard for this time, that I had to share with you. What was different?

I was considering God's love for me, reading about the truth of His love. As Judah puts it, "so let us take our eyes off ourselves and focus on the God who loves us and is for us and is with us." And then God proved his point to me about His kind of love right then and there in the form of an online invitation (via the kindest friends). Happy tears and sad tears all came at the same time as I said God, we don't deserve this. These people who love us way more than they should. This is why it's so hard and sad to leave - these friends and this place where we've found belonging. But I didn't think I'd ever find this here and You've given it to us and we can trust You that you will be with us still. I'm thankful that I have something to be so deeply thankful for.

I am the worst at living life in God's love. Absolutely the worst. So I'm so grateful for this moment to practice clinging to things like this and to speak them out like this so that even little by little I may start intentionally trying to get that I'm loved.